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Pregnancy

Brady’s Birth Story

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Brady Ryan DePasquale – 8 lbs., 7 oz. and 21″ long

On Monday, March 30th, Brady Ryan DePasquale entered the world, and I can’t believe how quickly the past 4 weeks have gone by! March truly felt like the longest month ever, and April (for us) felt nonexistent.

I’ve tried to document my pregnancy as best I can on the blog. Part of that was for my own self to remember, but also – if there’s one thing I’ve learned, it’s that every single pregnancy, labor, and delivery experience is completely different. When pregnant, I found so much comfort in learning from other people’s experiences. Hopefully sharing my own experience makes someone else feel normal/reassured/more educated/less scared. (Read my First Trimester Recap and Second Trimester Recap… Third Trimester Recap is coming soon.)

I should also add that in my last trimester we took an in-person childbirth prep class at our hospital. It was five and a half hours, there were very graphic videos shown, and I was thoroughly horrified by the end. The actual experience of labor and delivery – while definitely the most painful thing I’ve ever experienced – was way better than what I was expecting. So for anyone who needs it: here is my super non-scary, non-intimidating, and positive birth story! (Spoiler alert: There’s a super cute baby at the end of all of it!)

Early Labor

At 37 weeks, we went from our bi-weekly to weekly OB check-ins. Up until that point, we had every indication he wouldn’t come early and that nothing would be happening for a while – so I was content to stay put and just wait out the final weeks. Baby was healthy and happy in there, I had no complications throughout my pregnancy, and we knew that the first child typically comes a little later. Usually that’s either right around their due date, or after.

Much to my surprise, the night before my 37 week appointment, I started having bad cramps and contractions. They persisted for several hours and started gradually getting more and more painful. I woke up around midnight that night, 1) because I couldn’t sleep due to the pain, and 2) I thought maybe this was it and I was actually going into labor. So like a total nutjob, I went downstairs to our couch and started frantically sending off e-mails that I wanted to get out before I gave birth. (LOL.)

Early in the morning the next day, the contractions tapered off and confirmed I was not, in fact, in labor. But at my appointment that day, my doctor checked me and told me the contractions were doing something. I was a 1/2 centimeter dilated. It was a start!

The contractions continued like this off and on for the next three weeks. At points they were really painful – the kind I had to close my eyes and just breathe through. They also became really persistent, although they never got close enough together to actually send me into labor.

They weren’t false contractions, since they were actually doing something and getting me more dilated. But that process was just happening very, very slowly. After 3 weeks of this, I felt really worn down, mentally and physically. At my 38 week appointment, I was 1 centimeter dilated. At my 39 week appointment, I was 1 1/2 centimeters dilated. They offered to sweep my membranes at my 39 week appointment. While I was initially planning on turning them down, I decided to go through with it on the day. My doctor explained to me that if my body was close and ready to go into labor, this could tip me over the edge and it would happen within the next 48 hours. But if my body wasn’t ready, it wouldn’t do anything. 48 hours came and went, but unfortunately it was only more of the same – really bad contractions that lasted for hours at a time but never got close enough together.

Then, on the morning of Friday, March 27th (39 1/2 weeks), I woke up with excruciating pelvic pain. I cried trying to get out of bed, and I couldn’t roll over or put any weight on my legs. I’d had pelvic pain from loose joints and ligaments since 20 weeks, but it had never been anywhere near this bad. I knew something was wrong, but I didn’t think I was in labor, either. My contractions still weren’t close enough to justify going to the hospital, and I really didn’t want to go to the hospital only to be sent home. My mom and Ryan convinced me to go anyway.

The hospital visit was anti-climactic. They were only really concerned about how far apart my contractions were and didn’t do anything for my pelvic pain. They did check me and told me I was 2 1/2 centimeters dilated at that point, and they offered to sweep my membranes again – which I said yes to. I limped home no better off, and later that night a nurse friend suggested that maybe it was baby’s positioning that was causing me so much pain. She sent me a link to this Spinning Babies move, which would help if the baby’s skull was bone-to-bone with my pelvis. It was low risk and I had a totally normal, healthy pregnancy otherwise, so I decided to give it a try. After only a few tries, baby seemed to move into a more favorable position, and it gave me tremendous relief. Immediately, I could walk with no pain. (Side note: I’m convinced this was a big thing that finally helped with triggering labor!)

The following Monday – a day before my due date – was a low point. Two membrane sweeps, three weeks of painful contractions, and still no baby. Things were getting worse and worse with the COVID-19 pandemic, we were totally in self-quarantine at that point, and I was becoming more and more aware of how scary a time this was to have a baby. Ryan’s office had switched him to working remotely at that point, and that afternoon at the kitchen table we talked about how frustrated both of us were, and how much everything was weighing on us. After so many false alarms, we both agreed it felt like baby was never going to come.

At that point, I decided to stop work early and take a half day to take care of myself. I went upstairs, took a shower, and at 3:45 my water broke all over the bathroom floor! (How’s that for comedic timing?!) At first it just felt like I peed my pants (😳), and then the gushing continued, confirming that yes – this was real, and it was finally happening!

Labor and Delivery

Ryan was so cute when my water broke. He started running all around the house, putting our toiletries into our hospital bags, and getting all our stuff into the car. We knew that once my water broke, the baby had to come out within 24 hours, otherwise we risked infection. So the clock was ticking.

As soon as my water broke, things became really intense really fast. While Ryan was running around, I was calmly trying to finish my hair and get a little make-up on. Meanwhile the contractions were getting worse and worse and I had to keep stopping to double over in pain. (This gave Ryan a lot of anxiety… 😝). We got to the hospital just before 5, and at that point my contractions were just 2-3 minutes apart. I felt like I barely had any time to recover in between, and I was in a ton of pain. Labor came on like a freight train, and there was no easing into anything!

The hospital was really busy, so admitting me took a little bit. I gave birth just before the big COVID surge was expected in Rhode Island, and we’d later find out this was because women with due dates during that time were being brought in and induced early. By the time we got back to a bed in the Triage area (just before 5:30), my contractions were 1-2 minutes apart and unbearable – about 10 out of 10 on a pain scale. I was clenching onto the railing of my bed and trying so hard not to scream/cry/throw up. I was 5 centimeters dilated at that point and able to be transferred up to the Labor and Delivery Unit right away… we were just waiting for a bed to open. I asked for any pain meds until I could get my epidural. They gave me a low dose of morphine, which helped a lot. They also gave me something for the nausea, so that I didn’t throw up all over the nice nurse’s shoes 🙂

After the epidural, and finally pain-free!

At around 6:15 they wheeled me upstairs to a Labor and Delivery Room. I’m not really sure what happened between making it upstairs and getting the epidural, but I was really drowsy as the morphine was wearing off and kept going in and out of a light sleep. The whole time I was telling myself just to make it to the epidural. Once that was administered around 7:30 or 8, it was life-changing. After that, I felt no pain and couldn’t even feel my contractions anymore. The nurse told me they were coming in fast and hot, though, and much to all of our surprise – she goes, “I think we’re going to have a baby before 10:00!” Just after 9:00 the doctor came in to check me. I was 10 centimeters, and it was time to push! They immediately started prepping for delivery, and after only 20 minutes of pushing, Brady was here. (At 9:59 PM, and true to the nurse’s prediction!) The doctors were really impressed with how well I was able to push, and I truly credit all the strength training throughout my pregnancy and being able to keep my body physically strong. (I also believe it’s helped so much with my recovery… but more on that in a later post.)

Real birth is nothing like a TV or movie birth. Unless you’re getting a C section, you’re delivering in the same room and bed you just labored in for however many hours. Nothing is sectioned or draped off like they show in the movies, and if you have an uncomplicated delivery, there’s really only a few people in the room. For me that was one midwife, one nurse, and one student. The whole experience was a lot more intimate than I was expecting (and than I think it’s often portrayed!).

The amazing moment they put our sweet boy on my chest

Looking Back on Pregnancy

If you had asked me about my pregnancy while I was pregnant, I would have said I didn’t *love* being pregnant, but I didn’t hate it. I’m lucky to have had a very healthy pregnancy with no complications, and I don’t take that for granted. I think I struggled the most with feeling like I was in uncharted territory, not feeling like myself, and having to cut out a lot of the things that are near and dear to me. I spent the first 14 weeks of my pregnancy throwing up 2-5 times a day every day. At week 20, I had to give up running because relaxin (normal pregnancy hormones) had made my joints and ligaments super loose. Running, standing on one leg, even walking for long periods of time was extremely painful. Running isn’t everything, but from someone whose longest injury in the past 8 years had been 4 weeks… it was a tough blow. I haven’t not run this long since I first started running about 13 years ago. Basically, the second half of my pregnancy felt like having a very extended running injury. (And as any runner can attest, there are a lot of ‘injury blues’ that come along with that!)

Pain aside, the actual experience of labor and delivery was so incredible and made me forget about all the ups and downs of pregnancy. It was truly the most surreal experience of my life and something that no one prepares you for (in the best possible way). The love and emotional bond we felt with Brady instantly is out of this world, and thinking back on the day he was born moves me to tears. I’ve never felt more proud of my body and what it’s capable of, and I can say with 100% certainty that childbirth is the ultimate athletic accomplishment! I’ve never been more sure or excited to do it all again someday. But for now, we’ll rest, recover, and keep soaking in all the baby snuggles 😉

After 9 months of pregnancy, 3 weeks in early labor, and 6 hours in active labor… the sweetest reward

Second Trimester Recap

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It blows my mind, but somehow I’ve just hit the third and final trimester of pregnancy. Which means it’s time to share my Second Trimester Recap!

ICYMI: Click here to read my First Trimester Recap. Spoiler alert – it was not a good time.

In general, whereas the first trimester was such a physical experience (vomiting, nausea, and fatigue overtook my life), the second trimester for me has been all about the mental and emotional journey, and riding out all the unexpected highs and lows (despite feeling really good, for the most part, physically!). It’s been really rewarding to feel like I’m ending my second trimester in a completely different place than where I spent most of it, and I’ll talk more about that below.

The good

Getting my life back at Week 14 1/2 – In general, everything has been so much better than in the first trimester. At some point during the first trimester, I thought I was going to be one of those women who was throwing up nonstop the entire pregnancy. (At that time, I thought I might have hyperemesis gravidarum, but I never tested positive for ketones, and thankfully – the vomiting eventually did subside.) For me, it wasn’t a magical switch-off that happened right at the Week 13 mark, but gradually I started stringing together days where I was able to keep more and more food down, and eventually, around Week 14 1/2, the throwing up tapered off. I didn’t realize it at the time, but I actually lost about five pounds in my first trimester. It has skewed my weight gain a little bit for the remainder of the pregnancy.

Having much more energy and motivation – for work and just daily life. I still have a ‘switch off’ point at night, where all of a sudden I feel like I can’t keep my eyes open anymore. But again, after the first trimester, it feels magical, and I’ve loved throwing myself back into work, new projects, and even just being able to do more around the house again.

Being able to eat a wide variety of foods again! And no more food aversions! This was truly a lightswitch effect for me. I’m back to eating the way we normally do now, and it’s felt wonderful. In my first trimester, my diet was mostly plain, starchy carbs, I was eating very little veggies, and cooking dinner was very infrequent – because the sight/smell of so many foods would make me want to vomit.

Passing my gestational diabetes test – This felt like a huge victory of the second trimester. My mom had had gestational diabetes with all three of her kids, and my grandma with all five of hers. I knew genetics were stacked against me, but I really wanted to beat the odds. At Week 25, I had my one-hour glucose test done, and I failed. I fasted the night before Christmas Eve, and on Christmas Eve morning I went into the lab and took my three-hour test. I was convinced it was going to come back negative, but I passed the second time around with flying colors!

The bad

Really bad pelvic pain and not being able to run – This has been my main physical symptom in the second trimester. No SI joint pain, no restless legs, no acid reflux, no insomnia. Just this – and so I try to keep that in perspective. After trying to push through for a week or two, despite loads of pain and limping around the house – I finally had to stop running at around 18 weeks. At first, I was completely gutted, and letting go – especially because I was finally feeling so good and had so much energy – was really hard and emotional. I went to see an OB PT, who ruled out SPD. She confirmed that the hormone relaxin (which prepares your body for body for labor by making your muscles, tendons, and ligaments looser and more flexible) was just doing its job a little too well. There was nothing structurally wrong me, and there was no physical injury to the bones or muscles. It was all due to the hormonal shifts, which obviously is not something you can reverse or fix (since they’re actually a good thing). Since then, I’ve been able to continue lifting – which I’ve really enjoyed. I’ve just modified and eliminated certain exercises – like anything single-leg – which give me a lot of pain. I love knowing that regular lifting could make my birth smoother and easier, and help my body’s recovery after. I’ve also been walking and aqua jogging for cardio – although I have to be careful not to overdo the walking, since it can cause the same pain as running.

Coping and adjusting to a changing body – I did not expect to struggle with this the way I did. I obviously knew my body was going to change and grow during pregnancy. I knew I was going to gain weight, and I knew at some point my clothes were going to stop fitting – or start fitting differently. I even thought it would be cute to get a little pregnancy belly. But as soon as all those things started happening, I wanted them to stop immediately. None of it feels natural or comfortable to me, and I was constantly self-conscious. I really dislike how all the attention goes to your body when you’re pregnant. Everyone immediately looks you up and down, stares at your stomach, and makes comments about how big or small you are – and I really struggled with this.

In the first half of the second trimester: a lot of anxiety – I would say I had a lot of anxiety in general in the first half of the second trimester. Everything agitated me or made me uncomfortable. I don’t love a lot of attention – again, especially the body-focused attention – so now that we had announced it and everyone knew I was pregnant, I was having a really tough time! I wanted to wear a sign around my neck that said ‘Please don’t touch my belly.’

I also felt that in the first half of the second trimester I was fighting my body every step of the way. I was mad at it for not letting me run. I was mad that my pelvic pain made simple things like rolling over in bed, or getting up from the couch excruciatingly painful. I was (irrationally) mad at all the changes I can’t control, even though these changes are obviously a good thing 🙂

In the second half of the second trimester: moodiness + depression – In the second half of the second trimester, I started having days where I would feel really ‘down’ for no reason. Part of me wonders if this is the endorphin withdrawal from running (I find I get this way during planned running breaks, too) – but I also know it could just be from hormone shifts due to the baby. I fought this a lot around the holidays (during that weird time between Christmas and New Year when you have no idea what day it is…). I ended up consciously taking a little more time away from the laptop, putting some projects on hold until after the New Year, and spending more time with Ryan while he was home for his Christmas vacation. My hubby works in higher ed and has amazing PTO. It turns out the break – for both us – was exactly what we needed.

Big lessons from the second trimester

Your body really doesn’t give a sh*t about running and working out while you’re pregnant – And I mean this in the best way. I think it was Mary who finally said this to me, and it really stuck. My body is making a human being from scratch (no small feat), and physiologically that’s its number one priority right now. It’s where the majority of its resources are going, and the other portion is going towards keeping me alive. Having a loose enough pelvis to accommodate birth > a stable pelvis for running. Growing baby’s muscles > growing and repairing my muscles from my morning lift. Remembering this helps me to feel like I’m working with my body, vs. constantly fighting against it.

Having a healthy baby becomes your number one priority – This sounds so cliche, and makes me cringe a little writing it – but it’s true. Time has a way of bringing things into perspective. The further along you get in pregnancy, the more nerve-wrecking tests you undergo (Do I have gestational diabetes? Will my baby have only one ear? Is its heart growing outside its body?), and the more stories you hear about people who have not been so fortunate during pregnancy, the less you take an otherwise healthy pregnancy for granted, and the more you appreciate the crap out of your body.

It’s all temporary – I feel like I’ve ridden the rollercoaster of emotions that was the second trimester, and now I’ve arrived at enlightenment. I definitely still have days I feel down/anxious/just ‘off’, but in general I feel so much calmer and well-balanced. Although it’s taken me a while to get here, this is probably my biggest takeaway from the second trimester. It’s all temporary, and this is just a short season of life. It feels so permanent and all-consuming in the moment (just as the nausea and vomiting did in the first trimester), but the highs and lows all come, go, and shift. And in the end, I’ll spend the rest of my life thinking about the beautiful baby we brought into the world – not about Month 3, 4, 6, 7, etc. of pregnancy.

What’s next

A LOT has to happen between now and when the baby comes 😳- but I’m truly feeling very excited and motivated for the challenge! Baby B’s due date is March 31st, and of course I have no control over it, but I’m praying he doesn’t come a day early! More time to get stuff done!

Over the next three months, I have a lot I want to tackle personally and professionally. Namely, getting a few continuing ed certifications that will make me a better coach (and eventually a strength coach!), adding more wonderful athletes to my roster (my favorite part of what I do) before having to stop accepting new people for a while, and planning training for immediately after the baby’s arrival, when I’ll be a little more disconnected.

We’ll also have to get baby on a daycare waiting list, complete our online parenting classes, get a lot of his stuff, and start his room. Our beautiful home workout studio will become the baby’s room, so sadly we’ll be putting all that equipment in storage for a while and joining an out-of-home gym. The good news is that we’ve already been testing new gyms and found one we both love! I’ve started alternating between workouts in the home studio and there, to get used to the transition. It’s been fun having access to so much more equipment. Not so fun having to wait for platforms and machines again – but you make it work.

First Trimester Recap

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Happy Halloween, everyone! Now that I’m 18 weeks pregnant and well into the second trimester, I wanted to make sure I shared my first trimester recap… mainly before I forget everything! Once I found out I was pregnant, I wanted to learn as much as I could, and I loved reading about the experiences of other women. I especially appreciated women who didn’t mince words and told it like it was, and I really appreciated the stories of women who did not have ~magical~, glowing first trimesters, since that was my experience as well. If I can do any good, I’d like to help de-glamorize pregnancy and show that there are a wide variety of experiences to be had out there!

As brutal as the first trimester was, I will say I’m amazed at the body’s ability to forget pain. I feel like a totally different person now that I’m in the second trimester, so hopefully that can lend hope to others who may be going through it. I have to remind myself sometimes how awful I felt just as recently as a month or two ago.

Also worth noting – we have the most healthy baby boy, with a strong heartbeat, all his limbs, chromosomes, and healthy body proportions, and today we got to see him squirming around like crazy at the anatomy ultrasound. So that has truly made this whole journey worth it.

Weeks 1-14 of Pregnancy

I thought getting pregnant would take us several months, so when I went off birth control after our honeymoon, I did start taking a prenatal (just in case), but I truly had no expectations. I had heard so many stories of people struggling for months and years to get pregnant, and (perhaps overcautiously) I did not have any illusions it was going to be an easy or quick process. I also didn’t want to get my hopes up. Little I did know… we would get pregnant literally right away 😳

Weeks 2-4(??): Weird cluster of symptoms – but the main ones were crazy fatigue (way beyond the scope of normal tiredness… I suddenly couldn’t get out of bed in the mornings and felt like I’d been drugged!), as well as dizziness and lightheadness. One morning I got so dizzy and lightheaded I passed out out of the shower. Ryan was so worried he took me to the Urgent Care after work. They tested for me iron deficiency, Lyme disease, thyroid deficiencies… literally everything under the sun (lol), plus pregnancy. At that point the pregnancy test (and everything else) came back negative.

Week 4.5: When I found out. The night before, my sister-in-law was over, we had a nice dinner, and we all took limoncello shots (brought back from our honeymoon in Italy) 😬 Yikes… That night in bed, I was looking at the calendar, adding up symptoms, and wondered if I should take another pregnancy test just to be sure. I rolled over, looked at my husband, and went, ‘Do you think I could be pregnant…?!” And I think he looked at me like I had two heads. But sure enough… the next day I got the positive result.

Week 7: All-encompassing nausea and fatigue begins. Still having enormous trouble getting out of bed in the mornings – early morning (my former 4:30-5:00 AM) wake-ups are no longer possible. Intense sense of smell also starts developing – as do the food aversions. Suddenly there are SO many foods I never want to smell, touch, see, eat, or be anywhere near. If Ryan makes or eats any of these foods, he has to eat it from the other end of the living room 😷(Poor guy…) Carb cravings begin! Carbs = life, and I only want bread, bagels, and potatoes in all forms.

Week 8: First OB appointment. Baby has a viable heartbeat!

Week 9: All-encompassing vomiting begins. From this point on, I’m throwing up 1-4 times a day pretty much every day, and not able to get a lot of food (or water) in in between. It is a very miserable time, and these weeks feel like months with no guarantee of an end in sight. This was by far the lowest point (to date) of the pregnancy – it was extremely isolating, mentally and emotionally trying, and if it had lasted a little bit longer I would have tried to see a mental health counselor, because I think I was starting to get clinically depressed. I was hospitalized once with dehydration and had to get IV fluids, plus intravenous nausea meds. No over-the-counter remedies OR combo of meds worked for me, which was enormously frustrating. I think the only that helped was time and just waiting for this to pass. Thankfully I was able to work remotely from my couch at this point, and working actually helped, as it gave me something to keep my mind off how terrible I felt.

Things I tried to stop the nausea (that didn’t work):

  • Ginger – ginger tea, ginger tablets, ginger-flavored food
  • Eating small meals throughout the day
  • Plain, starchy foods, like crackers and dry toast
  • Accupuncture
  • Exercise – didn’t help, but also not even possible after a certain point, since I was so weak from all the vomiting
  • Zofran
  • Compazine
  • B6 + half a Unisom tablet (an over-the-counter sub for the prescription med Diclegis)
  • Reglan via IV

Week 10: We opted to have genetic testing done. Baby came back low risk for all chromosomal abnormalities, and we found out ‘it’ is a HE!

Weeks 11-12: I got a brief respite from the nausea for a few days around this time – when I was able to go to the Lift Run Perform Rise.Run.Retreat! But afterwards the nausea and vomiting came back in full force.

Week 14: (Officially a week into my second trimester): Vomiting finally ends! 🙌🏻Truly feels like emerging from the dead, and my energy starts slowly coming back as well.

Food cravings and aversions in the first trimester: Food aversions = literally everything. I didn’t pressure myself to stick to my normal, healthy diet, because I figured anything was better than nothing for the baby. Also, things like smoothies, veggies, and big salads were all 🤢😷at the time. I was so desperate to get *anything* into my body, that I would eat donuts, gummies… anything with calories that actually sounded appetizing and that I could keep down for more than a few hours.

Exercising in the first trimester: Very little. I was getting back into my running and lifting routine after our honeymoon (which I had purposefully planned as a downtime from running). But the weird cluster of symptoms starting at Weeks 2-4 make things a little more irregular as I worked to figure out what was going on. Once I found out I was *just* pregnant, I took that as the green light to start (cautiously) ramping things back up. But later I would be sidelined by the nonstop nausea and vomiting. During my first trimester, my motto was just ‘do the best you can, when you can, and for as long as you can.’ So that meant very sporadic running, minimal lifting, and I never really ran above the 3-6 mile range.